How to Find the Right Couples Therapist For You and Your Partner
Finding the right couples therapist for you and your partner can be challenging at the best of times. Even suggesting that you look into therapy could be another reason to disagree. Add in a global pandemic, with one or more of you working from home (and your kitchen is now your conference room), perhaps a kid or two, and the task can become a looming item on your to-do list.
While some couples do seek out couple’s therapy proactively, most couples seeking therapy are in more fraught situations, which makes finding the right therapist an even more overwhelming task. If you’re lucky enough to receive a personal referral from a friend, you might still want to evaluate the therapist’s specialities and credentials. And if you’re googling “best couple’s therapist” you may be overwhelmed by options, or only see a select few therapists with robust SEO practices.
To simplify this daunting process, here are 5 things to look for when evaluating a therapist’s website or researching your referrals.
5 tips for finding the right couples therapist:
Decode the acronyms. EFT, CBT… WTF? Couple’s therapists often follow one or more schools of thought when it comes to conducting therapy and it’s helpful to know what that would mean for you as a client. For example, I incorporate both CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) into my work with clients. This “alphabet soup” can be confusing! When in doubt, a quick Google search will usually provide more context - and this is also something you can ask about in your initial consultation.
Understand their specialities and see what applies to you and your partner. For example, if you or your partner are navigating through the impacts of an addiction, you might look for a therapist with a specialty in substance use or harm reduction. And some therapists are more specialized than others. If you’re not sure what specialties would apply to your situation (or perhaps you have more general needs), look for someone with a wider range of focus areas or techniques.
Set a budget. Therapy can seem like a gigantic investment, especially when most therapists would like to see you and your partner once a week, or at the very least, twice a month. Insurance can sometimes make it more affordable, but that depends on your coverage. So before going into a consult with a therapist, get clear on what you can afford. Some therapists have sliding scale pricing, and might be able to accommodate your budget. Additionally, therapists who are not yet licensed (meaning, they haven’t completed the necessary hours to become licensed) will be less per hour.
Imagine who you would want your therapist to be. And discuss this with your partner. Do you respond more to someone who would feel like a mother or a familiar uncle? Perhaps you want this person to feel more like a friend or peer. Some therapy sessions can address things that are rather intimate, so you want to feel free to discuss things like money or your sexual activity. Of course, this image can change as you delve into your research, but knowing your and your partner’s preferences (or aversions) up front can be helpful in the process.
Trust your gut. And keep an open mind. So much of therapy is based on the intangibles of human connection. If you can pay attention to how energy or vibes feel, you may be able to find the right therapist much faster. You’ll need to trust this person to guide you and your partner through some difficult conversations. That being said, remember that it takes time for a therapist to get to know you and your partner and they will, hopefully, be able to adapt quickly to a therapeutic style that works for you.
If you’re looking for collaborative, compassionate, and mindful therapy - I’m currently accepting new clients. Please note: all appointments are currently being held remotely via Zoom.